


Old Beginnings

by IllegalKittens



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/F, Femslash in the future probably, Pining, but like they would be perfect for each other am i right or am i right, honestly idfk this is a mess, mentions of previous relationship maybe, pining?, pretty much au considering it's a crossover, this is self indulgent as fuck sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 17:08:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12173178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalKittens/pseuds/IllegalKittens
Summary: There was just nothing left for her in Seattle. It was an emotional ghost town. New York, however, was a different story. (Especially when pretty brunette detectives live there.)





	Old Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning takes place after prom when Derek slept with Meredith. Though, when Derek confronts Addison in her hotel room Mark isn't there. Having basic knowledge of both shows (Grey's Anatomy and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit) would help in understanding this story!
> 
> Disclaimer (i guess): I own none of the characters. Grey's Anatomy belongs to ABC and Shonda Rhimes as LO:SVU belongs to NBC and Dick Wolf. (If my gay ass owned them, however... There probably wouldn't be a single hetero. just saying)

"I thought you were room service." Addison did nothing to hide the disappointment, the hurt, or the defeat lacing her tired words. Her red locks were stringy and wet from showering, her body clothed in only a plushy robe. Addison had no resolve left to yell at him. When she'd found out about his adultery she kept the pain she felt silent, resulting to pettiness as her outcry. She still felt smug about hanging Meredith Grey's panties up for display. She didn't feel the guilt or shame she knew she should, only satisfaction.

Addison wasn't stupid, she knew why her husband was here. Derek Shepherd was supposed to be the perfect husband; The only wrongs he did never his fault, the blame always for someone else to carry. He'd been a knife, cutting up her dignity and independence and she, over time, had become the carrier of the blame. What people thought was obvious: She was the evil, bitch of a wife who deserved every measure of pain he inflicted, with his emotional - and now, physical - affair with a woman ten years their junior. He came to her hotel with one, painfully obvious purpose, and that was to apologize. He would mean it, too, and God she hated that because wouldn't it be so much easier to hate him if he didn't?

Being the good guy was in his genes, after all.

"I don't know what to say," Derek's voice, void of emotion, was also tired, defeated in maybe another sense. Addison suppressed the urge to wrap her arms around him and say it would all be alright. Getting over him was going to be a difficult task, wasn't it?

She sat down on the bed, as did he. Sighing, Derek accepted the sip of Addison wine she'd offered him.

"When you found me with... Mark," She began, her voice shaky until she steadied herself, "You told me you felt sick. Like the sight of me made you want to vomit. It still does, doesn't it? After all this time, you still get sick by the sight of me."

"Addison, I know what you're saying... I should have... with Meredith, I... I understand if I make you feel that way."

Addison let out a sharp breath. "You don't understand, Derek. You never will, will you?" She wasn't angry, she  _wasn't,_ and if she was, her voice was no indication. Her words were just quiet and desperate to get her point across to him. Tears were swimming in her eyes. How could he be so blind? "I could - I could  _never_ be sick at the sight of you because I  _love_ you. I hate it, God I hate that I love you so much because it's one-sided, and painful, and lonely, but I do. When I look at you and I think about  _Meredith_..." She spat the name like it hurt her to say it, "Touching you, it hurts. It hurts so bad I feel like I might cry, or scream, or something but I  _can't,_  because I'm me. I have to hold it together."

There was a long pause, and Addison downed the rest of her glass. She didn't wipe away the tears that ran away from her eyes and instead ignored them while preparing to end her statement.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is... no one should ever feel repulsed when they see someone they really love. I think... you stopped loving me a lot sooner than I thought. And I'm trying to be okay with that."

She'd finally said what she had to say, and she didn't regret a word. It wasn't monumental, there were no weights magically lifted from her shoulders, but she did feel better. They were just words that needed saying. 

A gentle touch to her shoulder took her by surprise.

"Maybe... I shouldn't have held on to you. It wasn't right. It was selfish," He said, matching her hushed tone. There was regret in his voice, but also freedom. They both knew he was ready to run after his girlfriend after this encounter. She didn't blame him. Hadn't she also run to Mark in a similar situation?

Addison laughed bitterly. Her response was clipped and she was finally able to keep her emotions in check, stopping the wobble in her voice. " _Save it,_  Derek. Go," She then softened, a twinkle of sympathy in her eyes, "Go see the woman you love. I'm not holding you back anymore. Nothing is."

With a quick glance at his soon to be ex-wife and a nod, he was gone. Addison was left to sit alone, unmoving from her position on the too-cushy hotel bed. She knew what she had to do. Leaving her job at the hospital - no, leaving Seattle all together was her only choice. Living with the demons of her loved and lost was detrimental.

 

The following morning Addison found herself in the hospital Chief's office.

"Addison," He said warmly, beckoning her in with his hand, "My star surgeon. Can I do something for you?"

The redhead laughed softly. She knew what he was doing. Richard knew of the very recent marital troubles - news did travel very fast in the hospital - and was trying to be tender with her.

"Richard, please. I'm not made of glass. Don't flatter me just because you think I'm fragile right now," She said, her smile hiding the seriousness of her statement.

"I know you're not fragile, Addie. I also know why you came here, don't I?"

"You always knew me so well. Here," Addison sat her resignation papers on the man's desk, "are my papers. I'm headed back to New York in a week. No sooner, no later this time."

He definitely wasn't pleased when he took the stack of paper into his hands. Glancing over them, Richard sighed and sat them back down. "I should have known trying to keep you here would be impossible," He said, his tone deflated as he shook his head.

"What's keeping me here?"

"Derek was. Not anymore, I suppose."

"Not at all. Plus, I have friends in New York." One friend, in particular, she had in mind, was a detective working in Manhattan. She'd been friends with Olivia Benson for years, as their jobs corresponded neatly. She worked with pregnant women. Benson worked with victims of sexual assault. Their relationship was nearly symbiotic. "Friends, I should add, that I haven't talked to in nearly two years."

The older man looked into Addison's eyes for a moment, probably imagining ways he could convince her to stay at his hospital, try and give an offer she couldn't refuse. Instead, he dismissed her. "Go work some magic, okay? A few more Seattle women deserve the best before we lose you."

As Addison turned to leave, a contented smile ghosting her face, she realized she had more to say. "Oh, and Richard? Could you try to keep this quiet? Because if Mark finds out I'm leaving... He'll be pissed, or hurt, or both, and he'll follow me. And if he follows me, I would have left for nothing." It was a fact that Mark Sloan would reach the ends of the earth chasing Addison Montgomery. She loved him for it, really, but for the sake of change, it was painfully obvious that cutting away the things she loved was essential.

When her superior nodded, Addison turned and left the office, her heels making clicks on the floor as she walked quickly down the hallway. "Karev!" She said suddenly to her intern once she approached him, earning a look somewhere between annoyance and boredom, "Get your ass in gear! We have people to save."

Her eagerness earned a scoff, and for once she wasn't really all that bothered by it.

**Author's Note:**

> Um yeah holy shit i thought i was done with the grey's anatomy fandom but something pulled me back in (Addison's beautiful face?) so here this is. Might be more in the future but inspiration is hard to come by


End file.
